Fuck, it’s Post Christmas

Goddamn the holidays are fucking over ( now it’s just New Years).

Gonna be honest the holidays were not my favorite this year; usually they are, but this time around just was not my time.

There is something magical, sentimental, and just so goddamn dysfunctional when it comes to family…bueller?

I won’t roast them too hard, but fuck, these guys take it to a whole nother level of dysfunctional, emotional volatility

Once again I am reminded that I am single, sweet.

However I am going a place where I’ll be above it all and, for that, I am grateful.

When life hits hard that’s when you get right back up and hit back harder.

Oh also, met the raddest people the other day. There was this dude named Ken and he was pretty chill. Made some bad choices, but turned out to be a solid bro…do I sound cali yet? Fuck, if I ever catch you say Cali in front of me I’ll break your goddamn nose. Keep it real homies and don’t call the best damn state by the first four letters of its name.

Anyways, I also met this girl named Point and she was gorgeous. She had some pretty tough shit happen to her, but it was real cool to see her bounce back from what life did to her. I’m convinced I’ll see her again and we’ll go hang out…chill as fuck.

Currently life ain’t so bad; in fact, I have a lot of shit to be thankful for. I can take a breathe without mechanical assistance, I’m not penniless, and have a lot of solid wonderful friends.

Yo hooligans life is only boring and depressing if you make it.

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

-Rob Siltanen


La La Damn

Decided to watch the movie La La Land starring Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling. Now before I go into how awesome this fuckin’ movie was, I’ll give some context with how my days leading up to the watching of this movie were in contributing to readying myself for the film.

Young people we are a bunch of romanticized idealists stuck in our own asses for own good; life often becomes one giant venus fly trap of death as we attempt to navigate our own shit through our own lenses.

Along comes this movie La La Land and I got wrecked.

But maybe it’s the wrong adjective; try mind fucked and perplexed as the movie began to mess with out own sense of reality

it’s raining in the state of sunshine that is on the opposite end of the spectrum

let the symphonies play in the sounds of our sorrows, but joy comes when the night ends.

The movie pl[re]yed on the idealist’s sense of reality.

What is perfect vs. what is right

such a dichotomy plagues a generation in deciding between what is feasible and what is efficient. Sometimes there is such a divide that we must choose in our own experience what path we must take.

There was this girl Tatiana; we’ll call her Tati for short although she’d probably hate to be called that.

She was half cultured, half submitted although she really only knew about her half submitted side. In fact, there might have been high disdain for the only side of her that was actually woke.

But man, she was beautiful yet mechanized and robotic in every way. A girl who had everything, but nothing.


Fuck Luke

This dude’s name is Luke and his last name is warm.

Probably some 4301 shit from Norway who forgot to bring his winter sweater.

Nah, this nigga ass bitch forgot to bring his entire wardrobe because he’s a fuckin’ hooligan. I actually mean this. People who are lukewarm are the most miserable creatures looking from the outside in. From the inside out they are also a bunch of miserable motherfuckin’ pitiful humans that should be reprimanded immediately.

Oh gawd it saddens my heart more than anything to see people who aren’t sure of themselves. Fucking get your shit together because the world isn’t going to do it for you; it’s funny.

and honestly, I’m so over it.

pick a damn side and stick to your fuckin’ shit. Everyone has their set of beliefs and values; just stick to them.



is what I said.

She was interested, but perhaps not.

Angie was seemingly a dime; kind, pleasant, and wonderful

But…there is no but, only thens. She showed all the signs of a long term wonder and never made you think it was going to be a one time thing, but here we are talking about a one time thing.

The day went well; we had food, shared in wonder at song and the time together was filled with lucrative question asking that would make an old war veteran feel valued and proud.

Safe to say, all cylinders were on and the time was wonderful

But the questions asked weren’t the questions being discussed; seemingly it was a facade. It was a means to end, perhaps a means to get away.

Then you begin to think, was it all worth it? The semantics? The effort? The spontaneity? It’s all a damn shame really; the energy that gets put forth into creating something that was never meant to be.

How many inventors look at their final product and realize, “shit, that was not worth creating”. I’m not sure, but we seem to do it with our relationships and especially our cooking?

Speaking of cooking Angie loved it; she loved the environment, the smells, and especially the caramel, oh the caramel.

Fuck Angie, but then you think of the idea of never burning bridges. Toleration comes to mind, but oh what a terrible place to be; what a terrible and awkward place toleration makes the human soul.

Perhaps we eventually all buy into toleration and the sanctity it offers. Toleration protects us, draws seemingly good boundaries, and prevents us from going deeper with another individual. Perhaps if unconditional love is a gift from God, toleration might be the curse of man.

Toleration can go fuck itself.